hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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