Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
