Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
