Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
