every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
