When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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