just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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