Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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