Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
