i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
