You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize