I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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