I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
