so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's shark week go big or go home
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
