Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
