We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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