So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
