omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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