So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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