I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
