He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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