So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
