I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drake has all the answers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
