I wanna bring you to show and tell
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
