when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
