Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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