he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
