Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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