id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
