Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
