I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
