I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
