Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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