I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize