Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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