I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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