I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We got so high we made milksteak
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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