my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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