allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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