do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
