her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
