You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
