Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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