just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
