I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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