i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
