Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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