i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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