If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
