is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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