how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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