Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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