i permit you to call me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
