now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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