This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
