Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
