how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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