We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
