after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
