Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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