I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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