That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
