I want to walk on stilts...naked
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
