You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
