I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Randomize
