Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
