I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
