Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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