like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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