as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
third nipple confirmed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
