She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
