i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
