I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want nice things and good sex
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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