your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
