ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
