you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
