If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
