And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
