I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
