I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
