I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize