You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize