You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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