so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
