Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
