at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Come on in and take your pants off
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