come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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