Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My penis needs a shock collar
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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