Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize