my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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