just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
