I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
