well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
